Discovering my Asian Identity
Asia, the most populous continent in the world ... just a mere 4.6 billion humans (as of 2019), taking up 60% of the total number of humans on this planet. Pacific Islands, over 15 countries and over thousands of islands taking up the Pacific Ocean.
It feels like just yesterday I was sitting at my desk anxiously awaiting taking my 2nd grade North Carolina EOG (End of Grade) Exam. It was 2001 and, while I was worried about my #2 pencils being sharp enough for the duration of my exam, I was met with an even more terrifying task...filling out my scantron demographic form. There it was in bold letters, what is your racial or ethnic background? I remember reading over the options and thinking to myself, am I Asian? No... I am Indian. Pacific Islander? I don't know where that is, but it sounds more like India... So, it was decided at that moment, that I was an Islander. Or at least that is what the NC State Board of Education would have documented.
I bring this up today, as I attempt to share my journey as an "Asian American" individual who was born and raised in the United States with immigrant parents from India. I am sharing my journey and I know many individuals will resonate with a similar identity crisis, and I am hoping you can find some humor and comfort in knowing you're not alone... and that the journey will most likely continue...
Discovering My Identity
When I think back to when I finally understood that I was Asian, I realized that it wasn't because my parents ever mentioned it or because I was taught that I was Asian in school. It was because I was bored one day and looked at a map and saw that India fell on the continent of Asia. I have had countless discussions and arguments, regarding whether or not I/my family members are Asian. I have had people who I consider friends even feel righteous enough to tell me that I am not Asian... so if most people don’t consider Indians Asian, then why are we expected to know that we are Asian when completing demographic surveys...?
As I reflected on this, I decided I needed more answers. I asked my mom (literally hours before writing this), do you guys know you are Asian? When did you know you were Asian? Did they tell you at school in India that you are Asian? Why didn’t you guys tell me I was Asian…? Do you know May is Asian American Pacific Islander month?
Here are the answers:
Yeah beta (child), I knew that I was considered Asian when I first came to America and had to fill out a job application. I didn't know what to select when they asked me, but I was told I was Asian.
NO. We never considered ourselves to be Asian. We knew India was in the continent of Asia, but the term Asian was only used to refer to East Asian. The only label we were taught was being Indian.
No comment...
No.
Me and my mom at my 2nd grade class in North Carolina teaching them about Diwali.
Accepting the “Truth”
When you think about it, it makes sense that my mom was only taught to label herself as Indian. But then it makes you wonder how in the United States it is an accepted truth, and expected, that everyone from the continent of Asia should know that when you come to the United States of America you should be labeled by the continent you come from... not the country.
I bring this up because, well, it is Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage month! Our month to be recognized for all the hard work we have done for this country. And now 20 years later, though I know to check off the box Asian, and now have developed a sense of pride (as a true Indian would) on identifying with the label “Asian American” and “South Asian American”... the truth is I still don’t understand why 4.6 billion people are collectively expected to identify as one.
And let us not forget, that this month we also share it with individuals who identify as Pacific Islander – so we must all somehow collectively find a way to highlight our individuality and find some peace and solace in the fact that we have one month to do this. Together.
Do we all share similar culture and religious values? No. Do we all speak similar languages and have a common truth? No. Do we all govern in the same direction, with allied leaders? No. I could go on... and challenge you to also go on with this list...
I am sharing my journey with you today in hopes that this month (and truly all months) you open up your eyes to the following thoughts and reflections:
Question the old and repeating harmful patterns of grouping and creating “collectives” of major countries, cultures and religions. Realizing that by doing this, we are at risk of erasing the threads of unique, sacred and historical values of many people.
Dig deeper to understand why specific months, weeks, or days are allocated for certain groups. What is the history behind this? Who is this serving?
Why are we telling people what they are, and what box they fit into? Why do we expect people to create an identity based on that label?
I am beyond honored and privileged to be able to share my story here. And I hope this paves the way for other folks to find peace and humor in the complexity of having multiple cultural identities and, in my case, being a proud Asian American “born and raised in North Carolina” but also questioning the history of it all…